Moodle
Meeting Women Not Online
If you want to increase your chances of meeting someone suitable for you, bars are not ideal places. Yet time and time again, when I hang out with guys to be their wing, they just want to go to bars to meet women! It’s one thing to meet a person and click with her on levels deeper than physical attraction. But at a bar, the risks are obvious. How? Well, let’s see. Chances are, you’re inebriated and she’s inebriated. You both will be looking good. It’s an almost guaranteed recipe for a relationship that’s going to end abruptly, or painfully if it lasts long enough. Life-long? Not likely. I haven’t met one couple who met at a bar who are still in love after a few years. I’m sure there are exceptions. Please write to me if you know of one.
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I don’t think meeting a woman at a bar is completely fruitless. Nor do I think every relationship started at a bar will end tragically. I mean, you could meet a cool girl at bar if, let’s say, you’re a regular and know enough about the people who frequent the place. Or, there might be a bar you know about that fills up with people who have the same type of personality as you.
Regardless of where you meet people, I believe every relationship we have can teach us things that we can’t learn any other way. The most important aspect of where and how you meet people is the potential to have one of the most important components necessary for a deep, meaningful relationship—trust.
In the past, it was more common for guys to date girls they already knew. Girls were friends of the family, grown up in the same neighborhood, familiar from church or school. Because there were already things a dating guy and girl knew about each other, they had a level of trust already established. If you’re presently interested in someone you’ve known for a long time, then you’re already ahead in figuring out if she’s suitable for you. In that case, you can apply some tenacity and keep working on a possible relationship.
Most men in happy long-term relationships met their partners in familiar places such as at school, work, or a friend’s home. To begin with, the connections between people automatically have lower degrees of separation. School and work are obvious situations where there is a degree of trust-built familiarity. A party would be where you often hear or say, how do you know so-and-so? (Easy conversation starter.) Having that common personal connection already gives some clues about what a person is like.
Networking events could be a helpful resource, though the connections between people are based more on acquaintanceship or business rather than friendship. But you might find the woman of your dreams there, especially if she’s a networking queen. Maybe she’s in sales or owns a business. Automatic points for her in my opinion. Who doesn’t like a working girl?
The easiest way to connect with someone is to have something to connect, such as an interest—a.k.a. having something in common. Any place that has shelves of items catering to different interests is a great location where you might find a single woman. Women are everywhere.
Stores provide you with lots of objects with which you can start a conversation. One of my personally favorite stores to browse around is a hardware store. I get a kick out of meeting guys in hardware stores who don’t know what they’re looking for. I mean, I own power tools and build stuff, so I usually know what I’m talking about. I know I can be intimidating that way, but I get a laugh out of it. It sucks though when I get into a conversation with some cute clueless guy in the hardware store, but he obviously is not going to ask for my phone number. (Don’t prejudge me. I give out my cards without prompting.)
It’s easy to meet anyone anywhere as long as you are aware of at least something in common with the person you are meeting. Let’s say you order a roast beef sandwich at the deli. A woman, next in line, also orders a roast beef sandwich. You can tell by the way she orders the sandwich that it’s for her. She pensively thinks about what she wants on the sandwich besides the meat. She asks for a hoagie, and you wonder if she’s going to eat the whole thing. You have a whole list of conversation starters. “I’m a carnivore too.” “You put a lot of thought into your sandwich.” “Are you going to eat that whole thing by yourself?” (Use these as pickup lines if you want, but the more spontaneous, the more persuasive.)
Even better if you see this person more than once. Let’s say you go to the deli and order your sandwich at noon. Every day, or so, you see the same woman buying something at the counter. You will know more about that woman by observing her than you would know about someone you see only once. You have an advantage if you’re buying a sandwich every day at the same place; that place is within your comfort zone. Opening your mouth to say something isn’t much farther. Say, “Hi,” if you don’t know what else to say. Then next time you can say, “How are you?” She might be a girl you recognize from that bar where you go for Happy Hour after work. That gives you one more thing to talk about.
If you have trouble talking to strangers, the most important thing to remember when you are out and about, seemingly minding your own business, is that single women everywhere want to be met. They want you to say, “Hi.” They want someone to speak to them. Even if you don’t get a date, talk to her.
A guy named Bob rode the New York City subway every morning at 8:30 to go to work. One day he got on and noticed a cute girl sitting not too far away. Another day, he got on at the same time and saw the same girl. This time he noticed she was reading a newspaper article about the arts. Bob, an artist, started thinking more about her. He even tried to talk about art out loud with his friend hoping she would overhear. She didn’t. One day he had a short conversation with her and learned her name was Mary. Months went by until finally his neighbor said, “Bob, don’t let today go by without asking Mary out!” He got to the subway platform a little early that morning. A train was in the station. He looked in the subway car; didn’t see the girl. Nervous as all heck, he waited for the next train to arrive. Getting on, he sees her. By the time this day came around, he had observed and put together little clues about her. Name: Mary. Interest: Art. Work: 9 to 5 in Manhattan off the F train line. Armed with determination, he got close enough to start a conversation with “Hi”. Thank heaven she smiled back. He invited her to an art opening, and they exchanged phone numbers. Not too long after, they were married.
The consistency in Bob’s schedule enabled him to use the subway as an opportunity to get to know Mary enough to build a healthy interest. It’s certainly not a typical place to meet someone, yet under the circumstances it was ideal. Already, the morning commute revealed two things they had in common: they both had 9 to 5 jobs, and they both stuck to their morning schedules. By observation, he found another commonality: that she was interested in art. Thinking she was cute was the icing.
Other things to consider if going somewhere to meet someone are personal style, socioeconomics, tastes, hobbies. Really anywhere you go, or hang out, is a viable location for meeting women. It’s what you do that makes the difference.